Tuesday, October 20, 2015

Shifter Membership Application Process

Posted by: Nicole Luiken
[This humourous post is inspired by a conversation with my husband wondering when, exactly, dragons became shifters instead of purely mythological creatures.]

Setting: A dignified library full of law tomes. A silver-haired Alpha werewolf enters. He uses a cane, but looks fully capable of using said cane as a weapon. His eyes are shrewd. With him is a stylish middle-aged female lawyer in a blue business suit and skirt. Her smile is rather... sharp. The old alpha sits, the lawyer consults a stack of official-looking papers.

Old Alpha: I remember back in the day when the only shifters were werewolves. We didn't call it the Shifter Council either. It was the Werewolf Council, pure and simple. Sometimes we'd get a vampire who could turn into a bat, but we kicked their asses.

Lawyer: I don't believe vampires turn into bats anymore. Nowadays the authors usually give them mind powers.

Old Alpha: Because we kicked their asses!

Lawyer (rolls eyes)

Old Alpha: I didn't mind so much the weretigers and werelions--that Curran fellow is a Predator--but when did dragons become weres?

Lawyer: Shifters. And at least eight years ago.

Old Alpha (sigh): Who's on the docket tonight? Mongooses? Were-dolphins? Were-octopuses?

Lawyer, straight-faced: Were-mongooses are in. Curran vouched for them and were-hyenas. Tonight we have a junior applicant. The form says siren.

Old Alpha: Well, send her in. (Pause while a handsome young man walks in) It's a him. What will these authors think of next? All right young man, speak up. What's your name?

Siren: Ryan Sullivan, sir. I'm from Nicole Luiken's young adult novel Through Fire & Sea.

Old Alpha: And what form do you shift into? A fire truck?

Siren: No, sir. Merman. Half-man, half-dolphin.

Old Alpha: No half-forms allowed.

Siren: But--

Old Alpha: Next! (After the siren leaves the room) How did he get on the docket? Mermen were ruled out years ago.

Lawyer: Sorry, sir. His author appears to have given him a silver tongue.

Old Alpha: Looked red to me.

Lawyer: A figurative silver tongue, sir. He's very persuasive.

Old Alpha: Damnfool authors. Who's next?

Lawyer: Ah, another applicant from the same author's series, book two this time. He claims to be a gargoyle.

Old Alpha: He changes into a statue? That's ridiculous.

Lawyer: I believe he's more of a rock-man. (She signals and the next applicant enters, a boy almost identical to the siren who just left.)

Old Alpha: Weren't you just in here?

Gargoyle: No, sir. That was my otherself. My name is Jasper.

Old Alpha, waves a hand: Demonstrate your form.

(The young man transform into a gargoyle made of red jasper stone: a tall humanoid with fangs and claws.)

Old Alpha, frowning: It's not an animal form.

Lawyer: The new law says 'shifter'. And he does shift form. He has claws and fangs.

Old Alpha: But no tail! I rule against admission.

Lawyer: But sir, were-bears don't have much for tails and we let them in years ago.

Old Alpha: We did?

Lawyer: Yes, sir. Sherrilyn Kenyon made a strong case. And Fang Kattalakis vouched for them.

Old Alpha: Fine! Provisional membership granted. Anyone else?

Lawyer: A phantom. Same author. He can levitate and become invisible.

Old Alpha: For the love of the moon, no! Tell him to try the Superheroes Guild next door. They'll let in anybody.

There is one True World, and then there are the four mirror worlds: fire, water, air, and stone. And each has a magic of its own…
In the Fire World, seventeen-year-old Leah is the illegitimate daughter of one of the realm’s most powerful lords. She’s hot-blooded—able to communicate with the tempestuous volcano gods. But she has another gift…the ability to Call her twin “Otherselves” on other worlds.
Holly resides in the Water World—our world. When she’s called by Leah from the Fire World, she nearly drowns. Suddenly the world Holly thought she knew is filled with secrets, magic…and deadly peril.
For a malevolent force seeks to destroy the mirror worlds. And as Leah and Holly are swept up in the tides of chaos and danger, they have only one choice to save the mirror worlds—to shatter every rule they’ve ever known…

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