Monday, December 27, 2010

Unicorns and Centaurs and Faeries, Oh My!

Posted by: Christine Bell

Okay, so as the mom and stepmom of four boys, I have spent a lot (and I mean a LOT) of time playing the "Who would win in a fight?" game. This applies to superheroes (ala, Q: "who would win in a fight, Batman or Superman?" A: Superman, since Batman isn't even really a superhero, he's just a rich dude with gadgets and a grudge). But it can also be applied to a vast and eye-opening array of random things (ala Q: "who would win in a fight, Sprite or Cheeze Wiz?" A: Sprite, because if you shake it really hard it spurts out like a cannon blast, not to mention its impressive corrosive powers, whereas Cheeze Wiz is just orange deliciousness). As the kids get older, the responses get more and more coherant and scarily well thought out, but no less ridiculous. For a bit of HBM fun, I ask thee:

Of all the magical creatures, who would win in a fight, and why?

At first, right off the bat, I'm thinking unicorn. Mainly, because I am a child of the 80's which was the most magical of times for the unicorn. I had thousands of unicorn stickers (puffy, holographic, glittery, scratch-n-sniff, you name it), posters, stuffed animals etc. But after much internal debate, and a short period of mourning, I'm left with the sad realization that a unicorn is really just kind of a horse with a horn stuck on its head. Why is that more impressive than, say, a deer, with TWO horns? So, Im'a throw my lot in with the siren. Mainly because whatever anyone else tries on her, she is just going to use her awesomeness to lure you into her trap and smash you on the rocks (of DOOM! Sorry, that's a phrase my kids use all the time. Slap it on the end of any noun FTW. Read my erotic romance novel...of DOOM! Mwah hah hah hah hah!)

So, what do you think? Magical creatures cage match: Who comes out alive????


  1. I am laughing my HEAD off because we were having the "of doom" conversation tonight at the table! You can make anything better by making it "of doom!"

    I cannot agree with the victory of the siren (I refute that very hypothesis in my Carina Press treatise, STONE KISSED in fact.) I must maintain the Gnome is the stealth creature of doom that must necessarily win all battles. He is, after all, the underdog.

    Get it? "under dog?"

    Sorry. I'm a bit loopy today.

  2. Dragon. The size, the claws, the defensive scaliness, the flying, the FIRE. Definitely dragon.

    And now I'm sitting here wondering what the hell a scratch and sniff unicorn sticker smells like.

  3. Keri- GNOME?! I'm going to have to do some research.

    Eleri- They smell like magic and joy and mysticality! Or that weird faux orange smell, kinda like St. Joseph's baby aspirin. Depends whether you spring for the good ones or not.

  4. LOL that ever-interesting boy question: "Who would win in a fight between...?" Well, I'm thinking it would have to be a strangler vine (and you didn't say I couldn't make up a creature!). Remember the carnivorous plant in the Addamms family? Now think of it spreading across the city. Lots and lots of men in suits, only visible by their feebly kicking polished shoes. Ha! seems like a reasonable fate for financial wizards -- eaten by a strangler vine that swallows men (and women, I'm all for equal rights) whole.

  5. I'd go with faeries winning a fight with any other creature, because they have magical powers included with their magical arsenal of weaponry.

  6. I'm with Eleri on this--gotta be a dragon, especially if we're going with the cunning type: all the power and the brains to use it to the best advantage.

  7. The fairies are, of course, a great nomination. Even a dragon would have a difficult time fighting a fairy. It would move so fast as to evade the dragon's attack while peppering it with spells. I can see the battle coming to a stalemate.

  8. I think you'd end up with a paper-scissors-stone arrangement. A good wizard can beat a dragon; they do often enough in the stories I've read. A siren would charm the wizard (as long as it's a wizard, not a wizardess), a unicorn would best the siren (wicked horn, and she's no virgin!) and so on around the circle. Any other arrangement, and I bet the top would have killed a few more competitors off already. {wink, Smile}

    Anne Elizabeth Baldwin

  9. I'm going to have to go with the dragon as well. A lot of mythology has them as being highly resistant to magic, and their size (as well as flying and fire-breathing ability) would give it an advantage over pretty much anything else.


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