10 Euphemisms Writers of Erotic Romance Should Avoid

I write sensuous romance as Linda Mooney, and really naughty but humorous romances as Carolyn Gregg. I've read many semi-erotic books, and a couple with hardcore erotica, and one thing I've come to realize as writer is it's never correct to use a euphemism for certain body parts (especially male parts) that will make your readers break out in giggles. Not only does this ruin the "mood" you're trying to create between the hero and heroine, but the reader then begins to look for the next "comparison".

Here is my list of what I've "uncovered" thus far:

10 Euphemisms Writers of Erotic Romance Should Avoid (When Referring to a Certain Part of the Male Anatomy)

10. his Telescoping Extension
9. the Weed Wacker
8. Moby Dick (followed by "dipping into her ocean")
7. Paradise on a Stick
6. King Kong and his coconuts
5. Sword of the Gods
4. Hose of Ultimate Delight
3. Booty Buddy
2. Wiener Wonderland
and
1. The Love Muscle

Do you have any you'd like to add? (And let's try to keep it somewhat clean. Thanks!)

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Now Available as an Audio Book!

MY STRENGTH, MY POWER, MY LOVE
A Sensuous SciFi Romance
by Linda Mooney
Narrated by Mister Plug
Length: 7 hrs. 58 min.

Listen to a Sample

Once in every one million births, a child is born on Bellac with the Synergistic gene. These children are taken from their parents and raised, trained, and prepared for the day when they will find their Synergistic other half. For when that happens, an entity is created from the combination of both male and female who holds unbelievable powers. An entity who is trained to protect and defend its home world.

Grey Dansis is a Synergian. She has reached the time when she must meet the others like herself and hopefully find the male who will become her life-long partner from a crowd of strong, prime adult males who are ready to join the war as soon as they are united with their female halves.

Unfortunately Grey has secretly harbored a longing for Rowe Maine. But the man is five years her senior and considered long past acceptance. He is an Unmatched Synergian who has lost his chance to become one of the rare new entities.   By law he is no longer able to seek his mate.  Now the man is a trainer and teacher at their special school.

It won’t be long, however, before their world is again attacked by marauders. The creatures bent on domination are a species the Synergians have never encountered before. And this time the creatures’ goal isn’t just to conquer Bellac, but to totally wipe the planet's population and its army of Synergians out of existence.

Grey has no idea that Rowe, the man she has long been in love with, is her fated other half.  Or that the power coming from their union would be the only force strong enough to save Bellac from complete annihilation.

Because the law won't even let them touch.

Warning! Contains human weaponry, alien attacks, unapproved use of pudding, overly-aggressive males, excessive sex as a health benefit, badly fitting uniforms, trial by antagonistic rulers, and a love that defies the laws of man and nature.

Excerpt and buy links.